Dr Eve: 10 bedroom tips to spice up your SEX life!

The 10 steps to bliss between the sheets!

Would you like to be more confident in the bedroom? Want to please your partner and find ways to spice up your romance? Dr Eve, well-known local sexologist and guru gives us her Top Tips for heating up your bedroom antics and making your relationship stand the test of time! Read on for great tips and tricks for adults only! 

1. Dr Eve says: "Valentine's day and other special occasions can be used to 'push boundaries' on the day and actually lead to something hot and spicy - as there is a certain permissiveness on the day." Why not buy a new erotic toy online or invest in some sexy underwear to surprise your partner especially for Valentine's Day! Always make sure your partner is up for something new and never force the issue if they are not keen. Respect is key.

2. Dr Eve reveals that  one of the biggest problems she sees for couples is "that there is no talking before, during or after sex." Remember to communicate! Whispering in each other's ears is sexy and a great way to communicate what you like and what pleasures you! It will make everything more approachable! (Men faking orgasm is a controversial topic - but our article here sheds more light on this taboo subject).

3. Communication can lead to opening new ways of pleasing your partner, and yourself! By talking you also create a safer environment and deeper intimacy and connection. Ask your partner if they have any sexual fantasies and share yours as well. Many couples are shy to speak about their sexual fantasies and worried that their partner may not like what they have to say. Sexual fantasies are very common and most people are surprised to find that their partners are turned on and receptive once the ice has been broken!

4. Be confident! Dr Eve says: "If you want your partner to use a toy on you, use it first on your own to gain confidence. Confidence is a huge turn-on. If you get embarrassed about talking about why you want to be spanked, or use bondage it may not go down well - so be confident and own your fantasies." (If you're a woman and worry that your libido is too high or that your libido is too low, or if you struggle to orgasm, read our article here).

5. If you worry that the kinky event is too much for your partner to try, and can't bring it up - Dr Eve suggests leaving some literature or a book by the bed to spark conversation. One such book is Pillow Talk, by Dr Eve - or Dr Ruth's  10 Secrets for great Sex.

6. The element of surprise and fun can  make things exciting: so really heat things up by starting early in the day - let your partner watch you get dressed for work in sexy underwear or shower together, but don't touch so that you build tension. Dr Eve suggests: "text him or her  a sexy, flirty message during the day or a selfie to get things going and rev up the anticipation as the day progresses. By the time evening comes, you've really got something going …."

7. It's all about the senses. Dr Eve says: create a space that makes you feel alive, get some aromatherapy oils (for great home massage techniques read our article here), screw in a red lightbulb for the room, put on sexy music, light candles." The different atmosphere will make things romantic, sexy and exciting and your partner will be impressed that you have gone to the extra trouble!

8. Add something new - Dr Eve says: "It doesn't have to break the bank - even lubricant, anything you don't usually have." 

9. Dr Eve is also realistic, she says:"Choose to do the same thing the next day or the following week to really spoil your partner, so that it's sustainable." You may even choose to incorporate the new toy into a weekly session, who knows…!

10. If you've been in a long-term relationship, go back to the start to spice things up. Dr Eve suggests: "Everybody longs for those initial stages. A very cool thing to do is to take out your memory box or sift through old photos. Go back to the first time you kissed, reminisce about the first time you saw each other. That gets people very excited. Forget about all the challenges you’ve faced over the years, take that stress away and return to where it all started. Try to remember why you liked each other in the first place. It’s so important to do that." (If you're worried that you and your partner may be falling out of love, read our 10 relationship warning signs to watch for, here.)

Dr Eve runs a private couple and sex therapy practice out of her Sea Point office, and she also owns and operates an adult store in the same space (there’s also an online store). She currently lectures part-time at the University of Cape Town’s medical school and leads a regular segment about sexual improvement and bridging partner divides on Redi Tlhabi’s show on Radio 702/Cape Talk. Sexual Health Center | 504 The Equinox | 154 Main Road | Sea Point | Cape Town